Congratulations! You just went through (or supported) one of the most physical, emotional, and spiritual experiences a person can go through: childbirth. You brought a new life (or lives) into this world, and in doing so, you’ve entered the fourth trimester.

If you’re surprised there’s still one more trimester after birth, you’re not alone! In fact, the term “Fourth Trimester ” was only just added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary in November of 2021 as reported by Parents.com. 

So, what exactly is the Fourth Trimester? By definition, it’s “the three-month period immediately following giving birth in which the mother typically recovers from childbirth and adjusts to caring for her infant.”

It is a time of physical and emotional change as your newborn baby adjusts to life outside of the womb. It’s also a time for you to begin adjusting to parenthood and heal if you’ve just given birth. It’s truly a beginning for both you and your baby. (Though you’ll likely find that settling into your new role as a parent takes far longer than these precious first three months.) 

Here are our top four tips to help you navigate those first three months with your newborn:

1. Say Yes to Help

As you navigate the ups and downs of the postpartum period, think of this time as a season of saying yes to help. It may seem like other parents have an “easy” time with the newborn phase—especially on social media—but the reality is that it’s a hard transition for many families. And we aren’t meant to do it alone!

In an article on Self.com, Birdie Gunyon Meyer (RN, MA), the Certification and Training Director for Postpartum Support International, shared, “We have seasons of giving and seasons of receiving, and you’re in the season of receiving, so please don’t be ashamed to ask for help.”

For many, asking for help can feel hhhhhaaaarrrrrddddd. I know it was for me. However, just because you CAN do something yourself doesn’t mean it needs to be YOU doing it. Let your mother-in-law fold the load of laundry that’s been sitting in the basket. Ask a visiting friend to take out the trash or push around the vacuum. Split newborn care and household duties with your partner. Letting others support you in a tangible way allows you to keep your focus where it should be, especially during the fourth trimester: healing, resting, and bonding with your new baby. 

If you’re still finding it hard, take a moment to evaluate your relationship with giving and asking for help: 

• How does it feel for you to lean on others? What is coming up for you?
• How does it feel when others lean on you and ask you for help? 
• What does it feel like to receive help?

The truth is, many of us actually like to feel helpful! So go ahead and ask for what you need. Trust that the people around you will set their own boundaries and say no if they need to.

2. Gather Your Village

So, you know you need to ask for help. Now it’s time to figure out who exactly you can call on. It’s good to proactively identify specific people you can reach out to before you need them. Think of these people as your parenting village.

To help you start building your village, think about who you can call to:

• share how you’re really feeling about motherhood. Who will listen without judgment and/or unwanted advice?
• provide an extra set of hands. Who can help hold/watch the baby so you can shower, rest or take a break? 
• keep you company. Who can come over to sit and hang out with you when you’re feeling isolated or lonely?
• help boost your confidence. Who can you ask for advice, share concerns, or seek validation when you’re feeling lost, confused, or uncertain as a parent? 

I’m forever grateful to my sister-in-law for bringing me coffee and hanging out with me on my husband’s first day back to work. I was an emotional wreck and really struggled with doing it by myself for the first time. It was so helpful to lean on another momma who I could comfortably be my raw, messy self knowing she understood this phase.

Once you’ve identified who you want to enlist from your existing network, take some time to think about other sources of support you could add to your expanding village (for the fourth trimester and beyond). Other parents who are in a similar stage can be a critical addition! Consider checking out a new mom’s group or local mother’s club. Many are now offered virtually so you can participate from the comfort of your own home.

Another valuable addition to any parenting village is wellness and care professionals. This may include a lactation consultant, therapist, pelvic floor physical therapist, postpartum doula, and/or night nurse. A good place to find these resources is through your friend network, other new parents, your pediatrician, or one of our coaches. We love helping our clients expand their parenting village to fit their needs!

[Did you know Postpartum Support International offers FREE online support for new parents? To help support those impacted by Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders, they offer 20+ free online support groups run by PSI-trained facilitators.]

3. Nourish Yourself 

While you’re busy taking care of a newborn, it’s easy to neglect your own needs, especially as a primary caregiver. However, staying nourished and hydrated is key to providing you with the energy you need. If you’re also breastfeeding and/or pumping, it’s also important for building and maintaining your milk supply. So, it’s important to make sure you’re eating and drinking water regularly throughout the day. 

In her book Nurture, doula and LOOM founder, Erica Chidi Cohen explains how women are often more sensitive to insulin during the postpartum phase than they are during pregnancy, which could put you at risk for more blood sugar drops during the fourth trimester. To combat those dips, try to eat and drink something at least every three hours (or every time your baby does). 

Erica also suggests setting up snack and water stations throughout the house, particularly in areas where you know you will be nursing/feeding your baby, resting, and sleeping. Snacks you can eat with one hand—aka one-handed snacks—are a great option for those times when you’re nursing or “nap trapped” holding your sleeping baby. 

Kimberly Ann Johnson, the author of The Fourth Trimester, provides some great ideas for easy-to-eat, nutrient-rich, high-fat snacks that nourish the brain and nervous system:

• Rye crisps with nut butter, ghee, avocado, or cheese 
• Dried figs or apricots with cheese 
• Medjool dates with ghee or almond butter 
• Nori with tahini and banana 
• Raw trail mix
• Full-fat yogurt with fruit and seeds 
• Cottage cheese and fruit 

Your village can also support you with this through a Meal Train. There are many free apps and websites that are easy to set up, including www.mealtrain.com,  www.mealbaby.com, and www.takethemameal.com. Better yet, ask a reliable friend to set it up for you or find a local mom/parenting group that offers a meal train as part of their membership.

4. Don’t Forget Your Unicorn Space 

Last, but most certainly not least, don’t forget to take a moment for yourself every now and then! In her book, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World, Eve Rodsky defines unicorn space as “the active and open pursuit of self-expression—that thing that makes you uniquely and vibrantly you.”  

Your unicorn space might look different during the first few months and years of parenthood, especially during the fourth trimester—but you can still hold on to the parts of you that feed your soul. 

Think about small, simple ways to fill your metaphorical cup, the things that bring you joy, re-energize you, and make you feel good. This could include:

• Singing and dancing 
• Movement or exercise
• Getting outside in nature 
• Audiobooks or podcasts 
• Reading or learning
• Art or crafting
• Playing or listening to music

Ideally, you want to choose something that is more enriching than basic self-care (though both are important). Finally, you want to make sure your unicorn space is effective, not performative. You may need to experiment a little to find out what works best for you!

STILL HAVE QUESTIONS?

Need help navigating the fourth trimester? Our team of caring, professional coaches is here to help! We know firsthand just how hard the newborn phase can be. We’d love to be a part of your village and help you find some ease and more enjoyment. Click here to set up a coaching call and learn more.

Sources:

• Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World by Eve Rodsky 
• The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson 
• Nurture: A Modern Guide to Pregnancy, Birth, Early Motherhood – and Trusting Yourself and Your Body by Erica Chidi Cohen
• https://www.self.com/story/better-postpartum-experience
• https://www.parents.com/baby/new-parent/fourth-trimester-added-to-dictionary-why-that-matters/