There’s nothing quite like the experience of becoming a parent. Despite its universal nature, it’s often depicted in an incredibly one-sided way.

Pregnancy and new parenthood are often painted as an idyllic time of joy, excitement, and bliss. While it’s true that becoming a parent is a beautiful time filled with many highs, it’s essential to acknowledge that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. It’s a wild ride filled with a wide range of emotions from pure love to complete overwhelm and everything in between. Even the strongest, most resilient people sometimes find themselves feeling confused and burnt out at times. 

Let’s be honest, the reality of this phase is far more complex than the Hallmark moments so often portrayed in our society. A more accurate depiction of this life-altering transition period is that of an emotional rollercoaster. And we’re always down to have a candid conversation about the realities of early parenthood.

The Highs and Lows of Becoming a Parent

There’s arguably nothing sweeter than the “highs” of becoming a parent. They can be so precious, especially if you’re someone who has looked forward to these moments your whole life. The anticipation of sharing your big news, feeling your baby move for the first time, seeing their first smiles, hearing those first giggles, and the pride you feel watching your baby hit each new milestone. For many new parents, these moments are nothing short of magical.

There are also the less talked about gritty, messy, not-so-picture-perfect aspects, which can trigger equally intense emotions. The bone-deep exhaustion, unexpected body changes, feelings of isolation, and unmet expectations. Not to mention the (sometimes–all-consuming) worries, stress, and anxieties. If you aren’t expecting them, these heavier feelings can be a particularly heavy load to carry.

But here’s the thing: the lows are just as normal as the highs and are an integral part of the human experience. In fact, when handled well, our negative emotions can positively impact our overall well-being. It all boils down to our expectations, how we cope, and the narrative we tell ourselves.

Parenthood Myths and the Realities

Here’s where a lot of us stumble. Those Pinterest-perfect, Instagram images of parenthood often perpetuate common detrimental myths and unrealistic expectations for expecting parents. Then, when our reality doesn’t quite match up, we’re left grappling with feelings of disappointment, frustration, guilt, and sometimes even grief. This mismatch can make early parenthood harder and less enjoyable, and in some cases, it can also lead to more serious conditions like perinatal anxiety or depression.

These myths often sound like…

• I’ll love every minute of parenthood.
• Feeding my baby will be easy and come naturally.
• I’ll feel an instant and overwhelming bond with my baby.
• My baby will seamlessly fit into my life.
• I’ll never do [          ] when I have kids.

But here’s the truth…

• Parenting is both rewarding AND demanding. 
• Feeding can be challenging and require extra work.
• Bonding may take time. 
• Your life will likely be turned upside down in some way (at least temporarily).
• And at some point, you’ll almost certainly find yourself doing something you swore you’d never do.

Coping With the Ups and Downs

As you navigate this emotional rollercoaster ride, be mindful of your inner dialogues and your mental well-being. 

Here are a few examples of what real self-care looks like during this time: 

• Prioritize your basic needs. Things like personal hygiene, sleep, health, wellness, and security are not luxuries, they are necessities.
• Take care of your physical body. This includes (safely) moving your body, staying hydrated, getting outdoors for fresh air, and eating nourishing foods. Remember, anything is better than nothing when it comes to nutrition.
• Don’t forget about your social needs. Engage in phone calls, video chats, join parenting groups, and make time for adult conversations. There’s no need to overextend yourself, but even introverts benefit from staying connected during this time. Think quality, not quantity.
• Work on your boundaries. Learn to set and uphold the boundaries that help you say no to the things you don’t want, need, or enjoy. This will free up space for you to say yes to more of the things you do want, need, and enjoy.
• Regularly check in on your mental health. Meeting with a therapist, having honest conversations with a friend, meditation, and journaling are all ways you can do this. You can also use the Center for Parental Leave Leadership’s PMAD screening tool for self-administered online assessments.
• Give yourself permission to grieve. It’s okay to feel upset and disappointed if your new reality falls short of your expectations. Rather than ignoring those feelings or brushing them off, create space to sit with and work through these big emotions.
• Offer yourself lots of grace and time to grow. In addition to learning the new skills necessary for good parenting, you’re also adapting to your new lifestyle, attuning to your new baby, and adjusting to your new role as a parent. No one gets it all right all the time.

Remember, in the rollercoaster of parenthood, every climb, dip, twist, and turn is a part of your unique journey. Each moment, whether high or low, contributes to your growth as a parent. So buckle up, hold tight, and try your best to enjoy this wild ride.

You’re Not Alone

It’s important to remember, you don’t have to figure this all out on your own. Looking for support? Join our next virtual small group coaching session. With expert guidance, a supportive community, and loads of practical advice, we promise you a safe, non-judgmental space to feel empowered, seen, and supported throughout your journey. Click here to learn more. We can’t wait to meet you!

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